We all have to come back down to earth with a bump eventually.

Its been a matter of Deja-vu for me this past week.

3 years ago now I got emotionally involved in a Reality TV show. It was most probably because I was in a bad place at the time but I got onto googling and Mr Google sent me here. So from that moment on my next 3 years were all mapped out for me. It has been a matter or ups and downs. The downs were mostly all about sitting waiting for the ups to come around again or maybe the come down from the ups. Its all blather but it makes sense to me.

Today I shouldn't be sitting here, I should be getting on a train traveling up North to the middle of nowhere to see Alistair. The moment the gig was mentioned I knew I wanted to be there. That always happened. A gig would be announced and I would be bouncing off the walls trying to work out how I could go. So I bought my train tickets and I was all set to go except I couldn't work out the final leg of my journey - how to get to the venue itself. After weeks of losing sleep worrying about how I was going to manage it I had to make the decision to not go after all. So my ticket is sold and I am staying home. I sat staring at my train tickets this morning (I meant to take them back for a refund but never made it to the station) I was thinking if I could maybe just take the train trip and then home again. It would be fun I guess but what is the point.

I have known for sometime that the magical world of Griffin is fading for me. Don't get me wrong, I am not going off him, I am still as enthusiastic as I have ever been about him and his music and his career but it doesn't have to include me. I can't see how me running around the country after him or not is going to make any difference and especially if I am not finding it fun anymore. I will still have his pictures all around me to gaze lovingly at when I am feeling low.

I have had a great time and there are some memories that will live on with me forever and I will always smile when I think of them. I found some great friends too and I will never forget them and there is nothing wrong with receiving a phone call or 2 when Griffin is performing somewhere.

I don't think I will embark on the same adventure again. It has been a unique experience that maybe I should have had years ago but didn't. A moment of madness one day that then spiraled out of control.

Back to now and Google isn't helping with my new obsession...I may even have to start up a forum of my own for the hunky Jason King of Radio 1 and The Games. At least if I do want to try a little Stalking of my own I know where to go and how to get there...It is only £12 return to London, Heck, I could do it once a week at that price....Don't worry JK, I won't be doing that but it would be easier and much cheaper than what I have been attempting over the last 3 years.

I am not ruling out never seeing The Griff perform live ever again though..........